I'm in expert in knowing that you never ever stop needing or missing your parents. Just tonight, I'm crying like it's going out of style just needing them both badly. Needing them, and being envious of them. How blessed they are now, to be Home, while the rest of us are still stuck in this intermission.
There comes a point in the grieving process where you have to decide if you chose to let the hand you've been dealt stay crappy, or if you will take this crappy hand, and win the hand.
For me, this came a month or so after Mom died. My time during the first month of being Elsewhere (they never truly gone, are they? Nope) was a rough one. Most I will keep between God and I, as our relationship was very much a rocky road. Knowing I loved Him and still believed Him, yet seeing the opposite of what He said would happen, happen. I felt betrayed by Him, yet I know that's not His nature. It took four weeks for Him to finally break through the fog and show me what happened.
And then I exhaled.
I got it. I understood. His promises were still very true and very much His will. But we have our own will's as well, but I digress...
I love to garden. For the past couple years I've had a garden in our backyard and have so enjoyed getting dirt under my nails and seeing Life spring up out of the tiniest of seeds. I squeal, clap, and grin like a little kid when the first buds spring up and then the first veggie is on the vine. Normally, I am listening to a sermon or teaching on my ipod while I'm in my garden. On this particular day, I was listening to a teaching I had seen but avoided only a few months prior. It was by Bill Johnson (of course) and it was called Enduring Faith. The first teaching in this two part series was record one week before Johnson's Father died of cancer. The second, just a couple days after he passed.
Sitting there in the green beans and dirt, listening and understanding every single word that Johnson said, I sobbed. Huge crocodile tears that would not cease. I knew my life was going to look even more different than I had previously anticipated.
You see, my hatred for what the enemy does to us had increased beyond what I knew was possible. It was on a supernatural level now. This hatred isn't one that poison's your innards. No no. It's the hatred that makes you stand and do something about it. To go out of your comfort zone, to complete strangers, take authority, and tell their pain to leave their body immediately. It is the hatred that doesn't accept the popular belief that God sends cancer to teach us something. NO! It is NOT TRUE! Is there cancer in heaven? NO! So how can it be on earth as it is in heaven? It can not be! Are their migraines in heaven? Bulged discs? Failing kidneys? No, no and no. We, as believing believers, are to pray for the sick and command their bodies to come into order with God's Word and to see heaven invade earth... healing. It's a part of what Jesus bought for us on the cross! I could go on and on and in future blogs I will.
Johnson talked about how they never stopped praying for his Father's healing. And to this day, he isn't sure why it didn't happen. It was God's will, absolutely. But heaven didn't invade earth in this instance. But Johnson did notice something. How breakthrough happened in his praying for the sick. He used the analogy of pushing a boulder. You can be pushing at a 1,000 pound boulder day and night and not see it move. Even though it did not move, you have developed muscles now that easily move a 500 pound boulder.
My parents aren't on earth any longer. This is true. Those 1,000 boulder's didn't move. But the 500 pound boulder's I've pushed since are moving. I am seeing miracles happen when I lay hands on the sick. I am seeing them healed. And nothing excites me more! I will not let the devil get me to stop pressing in for not only more of God, but for more territory in regards to healing. I can't wait till I see the dead raised in front of my eyes, missing limbs suddenly appear, eye socket's needing eye's to suddenly have them... I could go on and on. I know that day is coming. I'm enjoying feeling discs move in place after several years of being damaged, pain from surgery finally leave, digestive systems being repaired, legs growing out, etc now.
I know the enemy haaaates this. Which makes me love it all the more! He will have no power over me. I will be a part of bringing heaven to earth and destroying his works. This is something all of us believers are to be a part of, to few are. But thats changing.
If you are reading this and are needing healing of your own. Don't give up! Ask God if there is something that is blocking it. Is there anyone you need to forgive, for example? And then go after it. Keep praying! Keep pressing in! Send me a message, I'd love to pray for you! Expect that it will happen! Push doubt away. Tell that dirty devil to let you alone and that he has NO place in your body, in your mind, in your home, in your life! Anticipate your healing... it's coming :)
As you can see this is a topic I am so passionate about. I could go on and on... and I will... in other posts.
Till next time...
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