Green beans, dirt, and crocodile tears

I'm in expert in knowing that you never ever stop needing or missing your parents. Just tonight, I'm crying like it's going out of style just needing them both badly. Needing them, and being envious of them. How blessed they are now, to be Home, while the rest of us are still stuck in this intermission.

There comes a point in the grieving process where you have to decide if you chose to let the hand you've been dealt stay crappy, or if you will take this crappy hand, and win the hand.

For me, this came a month or so after Mom died. My time during the first month of being Elsewhere (they never truly gone, are they? Nope) was a rough one. Most I will keep between God and I, as our relationship was very much a rocky road. Knowing I loved Him and still believed Him, yet seeing the opposite of what He said would happen, happen. I felt betrayed by Him, yet I know that's not His nature. It took four weeks for Him to finally break through the fog and show me what happened.

And then I exhaled.

I got it. I understood. His promises were still very true and very much His will. But we have our own will's as well, but I digress...

I love to garden. For the past couple years I've had a garden in our backyard and have so enjoyed getting dirt under my nails and seeing Life spring up out of the tiniest of seeds. I squeal, clap, and grin like a little kid when the first buds spring up and then the first veggie is on the vine. Normally, I am listening to a sermon or teaching on my ipod while I'm in my garden. On this particular day, I was listening to a teaching I had seen but avoided only a few months prior. It was by Bill Johnson (of course) and it was called Enduring Faith. The first teaching in this two part series was record one week before Johnson's Father died of cancer. The second, just a couple days after he passed.

Sitting there in the green beans and dirt, listening and understanding every single word that Johnson said, I sobbed. Huge crocodile tears that would not cease. I knew my life was going to look even more different than I had previously anticipated.

You see, my hatred for what the enemy does to us had increased beyond what I knew was possible. It was on a supernatural level now. This hatred isn't one that poison's your innards. No no. It's the hatred that makes you stand and do something about it. To go out of your comfort zone, to complete strangers, take authority, and tell their pain to leave their body immediately. It is the hatred that doesn't accept the popular belief that God sends cancer to teach us something. NO! It is NOT TRUE! Is there cancer in heaven? NO! So how can it be on earth as it is in heaven? It can not be! Are their migraines in heaven? Bulged discs? Failing kidneys? No, no and no. We, as believing believers, are to pray for the sick and command their bodies to come into order with God's Word and to see heaven invade earth... healing. It's a part of what Jesus bought for us on the cross! I could go on and on and in future blogs I will.

Johnson talked about how they never stopped praying for his Father's healing. And to this day, he isn't sure why it didn't happen. It was God's will, absolutely. But heaven didn't invade earth in this instance. But Johnson did notice something. How breakthrough happened in his praying for the sick. He used the analogy of pushing a boulder. You can be pushing at a 1,000 pound boulder day and night and not see it move. Even though it did not move, you have developed muscles now that easily move a 500 pound boulder.

My parents aren't on earth any longer. This is true. Those 1,000 boulder's didn't move. But the 500 pound boulder's I've pushed since are moving. I am seeing miracles happen when I lay hands on the sick. I am seeing them healed. And nothing excites me more! I will not let the devil get me to stop pressing in for not only more of God, but for more territory in regards to healing. I can't wait till I see the dead raised in front of my eyes, missing limbs suddenly appear, eye socket's needing eye's to suddenly have them... I could go on and on. I know that day is coming. I'm enjoying feeling discs move in place after several years of being damaged, pain from surgery finally leave, digestive systems being repaired, legs growing out, etc now.

I know the enemy haaaates this. Which makes me love it all the more! He will have no power over me. I will be a part of bringing heaven to earth and destroying his works. This is something all of us believers are to be a part of, to few are. But thats changing.

If you are reading this and are needing healing of your own. Don't give up! Ask God if there is something that is blocking it. Is there anyone you need to forgive, for example? And then go after it. Keep praying! Keep pressing in! Send me a message, I'd love to pray for you! Expect that it will happen! Push doubt away. Tell that dirty devil to let you alone and that he has NO place in your body, in your mind, in your home, in your life! Anticipate your healing... it's coming :)

As you can see this is a topic I am so passionate about. I could go on and on... and I will... in other posts.

Till next time...

The Beginning

It is sort of funny that I talk about how my passion for healing began, on my birthday. (Please, please don't sing. Please.) I didn't plan it this way, but alllllll Him.

All I can figure is that my passion for inner healing was present from the very beginning. I remember different people coming up to me, who I didn't even know or was in relationship with, to share with me that they were cutters and had attempted suicide the night before. I vividly remember trying to hold it together, even though I just wanted to cry as they pulled up their sleeves and fresh, jagged cuts looked back at me. I poured into these girls (as well as got them the help they needed). More than once I would have desperate calls at 3 am and just the need to talk them off the cutter ledge before they would grab the nearest sharp object. I've always seem to been my friends verbal journal, as they would need to unload all their hearts deepest longings and wounding's. More than a few times, I would have my friend's stare at me and wait for grand wisdom to pour out. I must have said things right, because they kept coming back... they still do : ) 

But the other realms of healing... relational (another post, another day) financial (some other time, please) spiritual... physical is the one who I'm going to talk about next. 

My Father died when I was 13 from Lung Cancer. It spread to other areas like his brain and liver. I grew up angry and depressed. I am a Daddy's Girl, so this dealt a deep, powerful blow to my young heart. But, losing my Mom... my beautiful, strong, wise Mom last May... ugh

My Mom was diagnosed with brain cancer Jan 2010. It was a long, difficult road. The first day she was admitted to the hospital with unexplained seizures, I threw myself across her bed and begged God to fix her. Every night (and day and afternoon and moment) I spent beginning God to zap that tumor and heal her wholly. I hadn't known that God still healed today, I mean, really healed. I knew people said He did, but I never saw anything. From the day that she was sick, I started searching. I needed to know if God still did really heal today, and if He would heal my Mom. 

I know that even though Mom ultimately decided she was done fighting, and went Home to be with my Dad and our Lord, that God still does heal. Don't mistake me. Death isn't healing. Oh no. Mom died, she wasn't healed. She went onto where we are all Running Towards. Death is death. Death is bad. God doesn't do bad. He is Always Good. But I know that Mom just didn't have it in her anymore to keep fighting. I understand that, and hold nothing against her for choosing to leave me and my brothers. 

God heals. His heart is for our healing. Every form. I've seen countless miracles since I started fervently striving to find out the Truth. I've laid my hands on many and seen instant healing. I've studied and researched and listened to countless teachings... not to mention it's obvious in His Word that healing is always His will here on earth. Always. This belief I would jump in front of a train for. 

So I can't wait to share with all of you the healings I've seen, been a part of, and my own. I've had some physical healings myself but I've been on a journey of inner healing for a couple years now. I was able to get to a certain point and have been doing so so well. But it's time that I get some counseling to obtain full healing. I've sent in the paperwork, and I should be hearing in a week or so. I've been wanting to do this for years, and I know the time has come and I do not want to put it off any longer. I honestly can't wait to get started! I know it will be hard, but it will be so good. So very good. 

In other news, we are supposed to get severe thunderstorms today... they are my favorite. I hope they come :) 

Patience

Recently I told a dear friend that patience was not my talent, nor my virtue. As a "seasoned Christian" (those words alone could be a series of blog posts... seasoned... psh!) I've learened to never ever pray for patience, because God just doesn't zap you with it. Oh no, friends, He gives you opportunities to be patient. You will wait in the longest line, get behind the slowest grandpa on the road, or even be put on hold for a cruel amount of time... or!... oh the list could go on and on. 

God spoke to me a week or so ago and told me it's time to start this blog. It's time to share His Heart. The blog address of this little piece of the internet is hisheartisforhealing.blogspot.com because that is exactly what I've uncovered. His Heart truly is for healing. Whether it be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, relational, etc etc.  

Slowly, God has been downloading to me what direction He wants this blog to go and I'm working on it. I won't be trying to fill some sort of number a posts a week, but I will be writing as He tells me to write. I know He wants to share the testimonies of His healing that I see and experience when getting to minister to others. But the more vulnerable and scary part, is I know He wants to me to share my own personal journey of healing. This is already making me antsy and start to sweat a bit. But I know He must want me to do it as part of my journey, and maybe, as an aid to others. 

My life has not been easy, but any stretch of the imagination. But my God always wins with a pair of twos, no matter what He has to work with. He works all for good, and I believe that with every fiber of my being. He is good. He wants only good for us. And He is working that out. It's time to actually post this thing, instead of having a saved draft. It's time to start this piece of my journey.

So all of that to say, be patient with me. He has been downloading what He wants to say, it will be worth the wait. :)